Muddle Mayhem

Decluttering my home – and life – one piece of junk at a time…

It’s been 6 months…

on June 22, 2012

Rereading my last post entry sounds sooooo exciting, so uplifting. Our house had been approved and we were going forth with our foster care application.

I remember writing it like it was yesterday yet it feels like ages ago!

As I had mentioned in other posts and pages, my biggest fear was my past. However I was reassured time and time again that the past was the past and the future is now.

Our house had been approved, we sent in our application and required forms. We were now waiting for the green light to go ahead with the home study and course. On February 20th, we received the call we had been waiting for.

We’re sorry Mr & Mrs Muddle Mayhem but your past is denying you your dreams.

Ok so they didn’t word it that way… what they said was:

  • You chose a violent man over the safety of your children.
  • The workers you worked with then would have a hard time working with you now.
  • We can’t put your children through the trauma of the application knowing you won’t be approved in the end
  • AND once you’ve been through depression, you never get over it.


I cried.

I called the supervisor and cried some more (showing just how mature I was there!)

I pleaded, I begged.

They told me that I couldn’t appeal their decision.

I felt absolutely defeated. 12 years of rebuilding my life and still the past haunts me!

That was 5 months ago. Have I gotten over it? Heck no! Am I accepting their decision? Nope. Am I realizing that I still needed to grow and better myself. Oh YEAH!

I received a letter in the mail saying I can re-apply in 5 years. I may, or may not. I honestly don’t know. The possibility of being turned down a third time is frightening.

So that was the bad news… here’s the worse news!

I haven’t been able to keep the mayhem at bay! It’s bad in here!!!!

This blog helped me  A LOT (along with the foster care motivation) and I’ve always wanted to keep a blog all about me and my crazy life/thoughts/struggles. I’m not sure how it’s all going to merge together yet but my goals are to post something on a regular basis, recover this house to a liveable state and expose all the lemons that are thrown at me on a daily basis.

On a brighter note, I quit my waitressing job once I secured a nanny position. I’m still able to care for children, just not in my home. These kids are amazing and I’m getting paid really well.  Life is good right now.


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