Muddle Mayhem

Decluttering my home – and life – one piece of junk at a time…

It’s been 6 months…

Rereading my last post entry sounds sooooo exciting, so uplifting. Our house had been approved and we were going forth with our foster care application.

I remember writing it like it was yesterday yet it feels like ages ago!

As I had mentioned in other posts and pages, my biggest fear was my past. However I was reassured time and time again that the past was the past and the future is now.

Our house had been approved, we sent in our application and required forms. We were now waiting for the green light to go ahead with the home study and course. On February 20th, we received the call we had been waiting for.

We’re sorry Mr & Mrs Muddle Mayhem but your past is denying you your dreams.

Ok so they didn’t word it that way… what they said was:

  • You chose a violent man over the safety of your children.
  • The workers you worked with then would have a hard time working with you now.
  • We can’t put your children through the trauma of the application knowing you won’t be approved in the end
  • AND once you’ve been through depression, you never get over it.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

I cried.

I called the supervisor and cried some more (showing just how mature I was there!)

I pleaded, I begged.

They told me that I couldn’t appeal their decision.

I felt absolutely defeated. 12 years of rebuilding my life and still the past haunts me!

That was 5 months ago. Have I gotten over it? Heck no! Am I accepting their decision? Nope. Am I realizing that I still needed to grow and better myself. Oh YEAH!

I received a letter in the mail saying I can re-apply in 5 years. I may, or may not. I honestly don’t know. The possibility of being turned down a third time is frightening.

So that was the bad news… here’s the worse news!

I haven’t been able to keep the mayhem at bay! It’s bad in here!!!!

This blog helped me  A LOT (along with the foster care motivation) and I’ve always wanted to keep a blog all about me and my crazy life/thoughts/struggles. I’m not sure how it’s all going to merge together yet but my goals are to post something on a regular basis, recover this house to a liveable state and expose all the lemons that are thrown at me on a daily basis.

On a brighter note, I quit my waitressing job once I secured a nanny position. I’m still able to care for children, just not in my home. These kids are amazing and I’m getting paid really well.  Life is good right now.

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Resolutions?!?

I have to take a moment to bring something to my own attention.

It’s 2012 – It’s not just another day… it’s a new year. And in every other aspect in my life, it doesn’t make a difference.

But I have to force myself to make one.

I’ve spent the last two months decluttering this home little by little. My main floor looks amaaaaazing! And although I’m not one to make any resolutions just because we’ve hung a new calendar on the wall, I want to ensure that I’m going to upkeep the hard work I’ve put forth.

I don’t want to be among the people that make grand plans just to fail them 3 weeks later.

  • I’m not going to promise to lose 50 lbs (although that would be awesome!) however I do want to make an effort in meal planning which leads to healthier eating.
  • I’m not going to promise to exercise every day however I do want to make use of the new Kinect games we got for Christmas and since our living room is decluttered now, we actually have the room to just plop and play! I do also have a YMCA membership that I don’t take advantage of so maybe I can work on dragging my butt over since I love their spinning classes! Something I’d like to eventually incorporate in my busy schedule.
  • I’m not going to promise to keep my house clean at all times however I am going to maintain what I’ve accomplished and I will tackle the rest in small weekly projects.

I have sooo much to look forward to in the next few months. No need to distract myself with planning and failing resolutions 🙂

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1 more sleep…

There is only one more sleep until I call the society for our application.

One more sleep…

I told hubby I’m not ready.

WHAT?!?!?!

Am I getting cold feet? Aboslutely not… just a little nervous! Although my main floor looks FABULOUS, the rest of the house isn’t ready. I am not at peace with sending in our application when my house isn’t ready – we are not ready.

It took us two months to get this far. What’s one more week or two to make sure everything is in order?

What’s left on my todo list:

  • Move the aquariums
  • Clear the hallway white shelf
  • Arrange the office and start setting up the computers
  • Our bedroom

But then something inside me screams: GO FOR IT ANYWAY!!!!! lol

So tomorrow I will call to find out when the classes start and I will ‘possibly’ make an appointment for our first home visit next week or the next. It only makes sense right?

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T-5 days…

But since today is almost over and and I don’t really want to count Monday, there are 4 full days left, or 5 more sleeps til I call the society for our first official house visit to be approved to go ahead with the application process.

With Christmas behind us and one more holiday to survive through, I can really feel the pressure! My house is still in chaos but getting more and more organized every day. This morning, I worked on the dining room. I still need to buy floating shelves for my cookbooks and find a better place for my aquariums and that room is complete!!! Since we are having our annual New Year’s Eve party on Saturday, I would also like the guess room complete ‘just in case’. (Although it can still be slept in right now, there’s a lot of clutter at the entrance waiting to go downstairs)

So the goal this week is to:

  • finish the main floor completely
  • have both bathrooms done
  • the stairs/hallway
  • and guest room.

My kids have been doing fabulous jobs on their bedrooms as well mainly because for Christmas they received all new bedding and bedroom accessories to make organizing a little easier. Their bedrooms will finally become the sanctuary I’ve always envisioned.

Next week, first thing’s first is our bedroom and a massive wash from ceiling to baseboards. I’ve already called upon my friends for volunteers. That should be fun! Once the main and top floor are done, hubby and I will spend every waking minute in the basement to sort a lot more junk that has been neglected throughout this process. We’ve decided that the garage will be a spring weekend project!

There is a light at the end of this tunnel. The amount of decluttering has been insane! Who knew we actually had that much junk!

At a glance…

Thursday

  • Completely finish the kitchen
  • Top of fridge/freezer
  • Take the Christmas tree down and put away
  • Linen Closet
  • Microwave stand
  • Move the shelf into our room
  • Bring the couch up

Friday

  • Arrange the living room
  • Arrange the office and start setting up the computers
  • Our bedroom
  • Clear Stairs and hallway then Vaccuum
  • Fix the beds/mattresses

Saturday

  • Finish our room
  • Move the aquariums ???
  • Move the TV
  • Hallway white shelf
  • Clean both bathrooms
  • Sweep and wash floors

Guest room

  • Bring the furniture and boxes down
  • Set the bed in the right place
  • Place Cubby and the rest of the furniture where it belongs
  • Vaccuum
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No more Stash & Dash plz!

Here we are, Christmas eve. I have a huge ham in the oven and it’s smelling wonderful. The children are wrapping up last minute gifts and my thoughts wonder over to my mother who called me on Monday. Since I was otherwise occupied, I told her I’d call her back but I haven’t been able to reach her. So I reach over for the phone again and try the Knights of Columbus, a place she likes to hang out at.

Guess what; she’s there.

“Hi, can I speak to my mom please?” I feel like such an idiot but that’s a whole other story not appropriate for this blog.

I decide to invite her over for dinner. Since hubby is working til 7, the ham would be ready for around that time so she has plenty of time to prepare.

She declines.

So I invite her for Christmas breakfast.

Brilliant!!!! I absolutely love the idea and so does she! She wants me to invite my sister. Awesome!

And then it hit me…

My house is no where NEAR ready for company like that! My sister, OK! My cousin or dad, fine! They know all about the process of decluttering I’m going through but not my mother and definitely not her clean freak hubby. (I swear my mother doesn’t lift a finger except for laundry! Niiiiice)

CLEAN UP TIME! and fast!!!

Note to self: Don’t EVER do this to yourself again.

Although I truly did enjoy the time I shared with my mom, which is in fact very rare. (not enjoying her company but actually having her over) I also didn’t stress about the mess on Christmas morning. But I sure did a whole lot of stressing with some stash and dash the night before. Not a good thing!

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Message sent to my Hubby just 5 minutes ago…

Earlier today he told me a receipt he needed was throughout the pile we put on the microwave… these are important Christmas receipts I want to keep on hand.

I walked in the kitchen a few minutes ago and then sent my hubby the following message:

That couldn’t have been you who made such a mess on top of the microwave because you would know how devastated and upset I would be to see that… so I can only assume that some leprekaun or maybe elves came rading through the papers there… Right?
They say it takes a willing person 21 days to change a habit. If someone were to tell me it takes an unwilling family member 78 days to accept the new habits and start changing, then I think I would have more patience through this transition. I could just start my countdown and stay tight-lipped til then. But I simply don’t see any improvement from anyone and it’s so very devastating.
I simply don’t know what to do to convince these people to make an effort.
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Completely Overwhelmed

When will I start feeling like we’re actually getting somewhere?

Some days I look around and think Not Bad… just a few more steps.

And then I start on a new area and the whole house explodes again and I feel completely overwhelmed.

After everything we sent to donations or freecycle, you’d think the clutter would feel more under control but alas, it seems to get worse with every room we attack.

I know I got a lot accomplished today… but you just can’t tell. And in order to go to bed tonight, I’ll have to clear off my bed which is a whole mountain of clutter I have to sort. *sigh* Flylady’s voice is echoing in my head to stop complaining and just do it… I have a headache, I’m tired and blah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want to do this anymore.

I wanted my house done by Christmas. That was the goal. Christmas is less than a week away and there is no way, absolutely no chance of it. It’s devastating. I just want to cry. I suppose I have to look at all the progress and not what’s left – it’s just hard to see the progress when the mess takes over every single day.

My tadas for today…

  • Clean off the floor in my bedroom
  • Cleared the desk so hubby could move it to the basement
  • Went through a few hotspot piles in my room (I can only do so much)
  • Got rid of the boxes in my room

Is that it? Really? I worked all day for just that?

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Thinking of a reward…

I’ve been thinking that once I’m all done with decluttering, I would hire someone to come clean every crook and crany in this place. That would be a great relief.

But then I thought it would be fun and rewarding if a few friends came down and all pitched in.

Soooo not sure what I’m going to do!

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Busy Weekend Plans

This weekend is going to be a very busy one!

Saturday

  • Yoga
  • Pick up a new TV… hahaha yes another one because someone is giving us one!
  • Pick up another bed
  • Make lazagna
  • Celebrate my niece’s 10th birthday 🙂

Sunday

Hubby has asked that we start in our bedroom. ABSOLUTELY! I can’t wait to get this room under control. And I honestly don’t think it’s going to take us that long. I would also love to rescue the main floor. There’s a lot of ‘piles’ to go so if we can do a donations run, that would be sweet! The rest will be easy to tame!

However we do have boxes piled in the livingroom. These boxes are filled with …. – yep, you’re guess is as good as mine. As I clean rooms and find things I really don’t know what to do with, I throw it in one of these boxes. Most I’m sure will end up in the garbage or donation pile once they are sorted. My plan is to put a movie on some day and attack!

And somewhere, sometime, I have to find some time to go Christmas shopping! There’s only 2 weeks left!!!! I’m sure this will be done throughout the weekdays ahead.

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MIA Recap

Boy it’s been over a week since I’ve updated this blog – 10 days to be exact. When I first started writing Muddle Mayhem, I feared that I would ‘fall off the wagon’ and neglect to post. However since I have such a huge reward in the way, I thought HA that’s impossible. Keep your eyes on the goal and you can’t go wrong.

So what happened?

My last post was a picture analysis without the picture. My phone has completely stopped working and I was unable to upload the image. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday ended up being lazy days. Didn’t do much worth mentioning but not because I ‘fell off the wagon’. I would describe it more like needing a break and taking some time to relax – and heal. Another of my friends who was pregnant, full term, lost her baby. His heart simply stopped beating. Needless to say, this got me down. Another baby given angel wings…

While I took it easy throughout those three days, I was able to observe my family’s habits and patterns. It is so easy for us to pile our junk on top of other things. It is very easy for us to walk over mayhem on the floor. It’s not a matter of getting upset and asking everyone to pitch in. We all have to learn to see the messes and it has to start with me.

It’s too easy for me to get upset with my hubby and children. I even told Minime this week that I feel very disrespected when I feel an effort isn’t being put forth from everyone. But then I want to take my words back because I am the one that taught them all to live this way.

Saturday was my usual busy day (including a 3 hour nap) but we did pick up a new bed from Freecycle.

Although I had a lot of cleaning plans for Sunday, I had no energy to do anything. By the evening, a headache had hit… Monday, Tuesday = Migraine, Wednesday, Thursday = Recovery headache.

Ugh I hate these headaches. They really knock my whole system out of whack. I did visit the doctor on Monday because lately all of these headaches are on the left side of my head and my right arm goes numb. Yeah doesn’t sound good! Found out it can be blood pressure related 😦

Today is Friday. Although it wasn’t very productive, I feel much better. The girls and I cleaned the kitchen together and then we all pitched in to make homemade spaghetti sauce since I’m making lazagna for my niece’s birthday tomorrow.

My house might not have seen a lot of progress this week in means of decluttering, organizing and cleaning but there has been a lot of growth in my children. A little less arguing, a little more understanding and while I was down for the count, they had to work together to make dinner 🙂 Everything turns out well in the end!

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